Love isn’t planned, it just happens. Now what if you start loving someone who doesn’t feel the same for you? It’s one-sided love when your feelings are not reciprocated. And yes it’s true! When someone experiences unrequited love, he/she believes that one day that someone special will love him/her back. It’s even possible that you make it lifelong, but the question is: is it worth it? You deserve so much better than mourning for the one who doesn’t even care. You deserve happiness. You only live once, therefore, the best decision is to move on and find your perfect match.
A true romantic love needs the efforts of both. The best and healthy form of love is when both sides give each other equally. Both will try their best to provide comfort, happiness, and support to one another. They wish to grow together. They tend to build each other up instead of beating the other one down. They respect each other, their decisions, feelings, time, interests, etc. All these qualities comprise the purest and the strongest kind of love which results from maturity, self-respect, empathy, warmth, understanding, and a sincere desire for one’s well-being. If these things lack from one side, the true feelings always rest in despair.
What does love feel like?
What does love feel like? To be honest, there is no perfect definition that could define this feeling. Every other person has a different and unique opinion about love. But many of you would somehow agree with what I’m going to describe here.
True love provides comfort and happiness: things a person wants to have forever. Everyone has seen the dawn, but have you ever felt it? Have you felt the beauty of this time? It’s the time when the world is sleeping and everything feels so peaceful and calm. The trees, the sky, the birds, and the entire environment look extremely beautiful. The air feels tremendously fresh. It’s the time when you want no one else, but you and the view you’re experiencing. I personally love this time and wish this aesthetic moment could last forever. No matter what you’re going through, this beauty engages your mind and makes you forget all your worries.
Similarly, when you fall for someone, their presence and love feels comfortable, blissful, and soothing. You start enjoying and appreciating things around you, and the world, all of a sudden, seems beautiful. Your entire world revolves around that one special person. When you are with them, you don’t want anyone else to interrupt or disturb the time you both are spending with each other, and wish the time stops just right there. It feels like you’ve discovered the missing part of yourself. You’re so happy in your present that other hardships and stress don’t trouble you anymore. You start replacing your bad memories with the new happy ones. It’s a feeling of immense joy. You start thinking optimistically. And thus, you experience the most beautiful time of your life.
Signs of one-sided love
If you can relate to these signs, then your relationship or love is unrequited:
- You’re always the one initiating the conversation.
- You easily get depressed or unhappy when they don’t call or text you.
- You justify their behavior in your friend circle.
- Feeling insecure about your relationship.
- When you’re not with them, you keep checking their social media accounts.
- Even being aware of the signs which indicate your partner isn’t actually interested in you, you keep hoping that one day he/she might love me back.
- They only come to you when it suits them.
- You’re always the one making plans for meetups.
- They say, “you want too much”, whereas you pull out all the efforts every minute for them.
- You feel drained and depressed, since you make every possible effort but receive nothing in return.
6 ways to make your one-sided love successful
The following tips might help you impress your love and make it two-sided:
1. Spend time with them
Try spending as much time as you possibly can with them. In this way they’ll become habitual of your presence. Your absence will make them worried and they’ll try to approach you in every possible way.
2. Make them feel happy
Make them feel like they spend the best time of their life when with you. Make small efforts to put a smile on his/her face, such as writing short paragraphs, buying chocolates or something they extremely love, etc. Share jokes and funny stories to make them laugh. People tend to enjoy the company of those who make them laugh.
3. Show how much you care
Ask them to call you when they reach home, or ask about how they spent their entire day. Remember little details about them. It shows your genuine care for them.
4. Listen carefully to what they say
People feel comfortable when you listen to them.Talking just about yourself and only sharing your experiences will make them bored. Instead, ask them about themselves.
5. Compliment them
We feel good when someone compliments us. Say something good to them and they’ll automatically start liking you. Just ensure that the compliment is sincere and you’re not complementing just to compliment them.
6. Limit your availability
The biggest mistake people make is being available all the time. Let them miss you. Stop waiting for their call or message. You’ll lose your value by responding back immediately. You not always need to miss their calls or ignore their messages, but it’s important to do it sometimes.
Should you give up on one-sided love?
Being in love is the most beautiful feeling one could experience. It’s the most powerful and a pure emotion. But sometimes, it puts you in the most vulnerable position a person can be. Giving up in the very beginning would be untimely and inappropriate. One must try hard to impress his/her loved one.
It’s a human nature that we fall for people who genuinely care for us and make us happy. But there should be a limit. You should not serve your entire life trying to impress that one human. If they’d really care, they’ll appreciate your efforts and would respond you back the way you deserve. You don’t need to let yourself down. Never change yourself for others, nor sacrifice your self-respect ever. I repeat, never! If something is meant to be yours, you’ll get it no matter what, and if not, doesn’t matter how hard you try, you’’ll never achieve it. Therefore, sacrificing your mental peace and happiness for someone who doesn’t even care is nothing but an immature behavior.
Unreciprocated love provides nothing but stress, depression, and lowers your self-esteem. It’s time to move on when you’ve tried your best and still received nothing but rejection in return. Never let others use you just to entertain themselves, approaching you only when they want to. It’s not yours but their loss. They missed the opportunity to be treated in the best possible way. They missed to be loved unconditionally. It’s your responsibility to value yourself. You deserve to be happy, to live your life, to be loved. One day, they surely would realize what they lost while running after some worthless stones.
How to move on?
It’s not actually easy to move on when you truly love someone. Instead, it’s the hardest step one has to take. But, in order to live happily and lead a successful life, it’s important. Engaging yourself in other activities is the best way to cope with this pain. However, the following tips can help you let go and move on:
1. Make yourself busy
Spend most of your time learning new skills, accomplishing your goals and targets, hanging out with friends, reading books, etc. Keeping yourself busy will help you avoid missing them. It might not be easy because when you are angry or feeling negative, it’s hard to think about something else but your current situation. Sitting alone at home and cerebrating what happened with you and wondering if you could change it, trust me will not help you. Rather, engage yourself in other activities and focus on your goals. Reading motivational quotes can also help.
2. Accept the reality
It’s important that you accept the reality and move on. Expecting they, one day, will realize and come to you is useless. Remember, you too are someone’s one-sided love. So instead of mourning for the one who doesn’t respect your feelings, you should admire their feelings and spend the rest of your life with them. Since loving someone no doubt is a great feeling, but being loved is a blessing.
3. Maintain a distance
Communicating to the person who turned you down is too difficult. Therefore, when missing them, you often start checking their social media accounts, asking your common friends about them, or visiting the places they usually go. Doing so will never let you move on. Instead, avoid everything that might make you miss them.
4. Focus on your future
Have an aim in life. Set your goals and start working hard in order to achieve them. Let go of your past and focus on your future. Since past is something that has gone, and your future is yet to come, therefore, try hard to make it beautiful. Focusing on your goals and working to achieve them can be a great distraction.
5. Open up to someone you trust
Sharing your pain and feeling with your close friends or family members can help you cope with your condition. They are the one who truly care for you and would suggest you the best ways to deal with the situation at hand.
Can you stop loving someone?
It’s easy for some people to forget and move on, although they once loved someone truly, but nearly impossible for others to stop loving. It depends on our coping mechanism and how we deal with the pain of losing someone when we talk about how long our love lasts.
Whether you can or cannot stop loving someone depends on the person you love or the type of relationship or bond you both shared. If the person was too good of a kind, cared for your feelings, and returned the love you deserve, but due to some circumstances you both separated, then it’s hard, almost impossible, to stop loving that human. You might accept the reality, you might start doing good in your life again, but deep down in your heart you still miss that one special human. You can’t get over their kindness and love for you. You might marry or build a relationship with someone else again, but the feelings and respect for that person never die. Although you don’t show, but you still do care.
On the other hand, you possibly can stop loving someone when the person you love wasn’t good enough with you and the world around, couldn’t manage things or behave well, doesn’t respect or care for your feelings and emotions. When you find someone better or engage with the world, you understand things, you understand how better you deserve to be treated, and that person isn’t worth your love, you stop loving, forget things, and move on.
Dealing with the loss isn’t the same for everyone. Some keep mourning that one incident for the rest of their lives, sitting alone and cursing things, while others engage in different activities to help themselves cope with the situation and move on.
Before you leave!
Loving someone is a great feeling, but it can be the worst experience when your feelings are not reciprocated. We must learn that bad things happen to everyone, however, your character is defined by how you respond to them. You can decide if you want to sit in perpetual sadness, or you want to rise from the pain, be thankful for what you still have at hand, and move on.
A Psychology student from Jinnah University. She brings her knowledge of Human Psychology and Mental Health issues to help people cope-up with their psychological problems. She addresses important topics on mental health, child upbringing, and a healthy lifestyle with her articles.